WOULD YOU STEP INTO THE BREAST....I MEAN THE BREACH?

2/04/12

OK, forgive the title.  But I know you have been following the whole Susan G. Komen/Planned Parenthood controversy.  So tell me, would you forgive them?  Would you pretend it never happened?

Well, no matter your answer, let’s think about all of this for a minute.  There are many who have said that “charity” or “medical care” should not be political.  Come on.  Really?  It is often political.  In the US, public health care is a political football.  And indeed, many charities are not secular in nature.  Let’s face it, there are catholic charities, jewish charities, African American, Hispanic, all sorts of charities that are belief driven (not to be confused with mission driven).  So, up to this point in time, SGK has been very explicit about their mission (basically to eradicate breast cancer), but has not been so explicit about their beliefs.  That is, until a couple of days ago.  They, defacto, declared their belief to be Pro-Life.  Now, I saw the founder of SGK, Nancy Brinker, on television the day before the “switchback”, and let me tell you, the level of rationalization and soft-speak rivaled the slickest most unprincipled politico.  Even after a defacto declaration, she was unwilling to own it.

I am not going to weigh in on the issue of Pro-Life/Pro-Choice, because that isn’t the point here.  What I see here is the leadership of a very substantial charity with a very laudable mission who lack principle.  Had they come out and said, as a Board, we do not support abortion and therefore cannot support Planned Parenthood, I may or may not be aligned with them, but I would have respected their principles.  But what did they do?  They double-spoke, and ultimately caved, not because of a change of belief, but because of money.  They were losing support (and therefore money) at an alarming rate, and they lacked the principle to stand up for their values, and lacked the principle to accept the consequences.

And therefore, no matter your view; whether you agree or disagree with their beliefs, this is not an organization worth supporting.  And I’m not saying that we shouldn’t support the cause.  We should just make sure that we support the cause through other charitable organizations.

And remember, there is a lesson here for all of us as individuals:  Wear your beliefs on your sleeve.  Celebrate them.  Accept the consequences of those beliefs and earn the respect of everyone.

 (see “A Million and One Ways to be One-in-a-Million”; Chapter 2 – The Gift,  Chapter 3 – Luke….Use the Force; Chapter 8 – You Always Have Choices)

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE CHRISTMAS TIME....

1/06/12

Happy New Year!  Don’t you find, sometimes, that holidays are a time for strange encounters?  Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but most times eye-opening.  I remember writing about one last year that embodied the holiday spirit (see “Lots of Heart” at www.be1inamillion.blogspot.com).  This year, well, not so much.  In fact, I had two somewhat similar experiences.  Each experience was in the midst of the holiday season and each of them was disconcerting in and of itself.  But it was my reaction to each that I want to talk to you about.  So let me tell you about them:

For the first encounter, I was at Lavo, a Restaurant/Bar on 58^th between Park and Madison, having holiday drinks with a friend of mine.  I had to visit the men’s room and as I entered, two men preceded me.  Now the men’s room was not large.  Two “stand-up” stations and one “sit-down”.  The guys who got there before me went to the stand up spots, which left me with the sit-down station (even though I only needed to stand-up).  One guy says to the other guy; “I took my staff out to lunch today, and it cost me 500 bucks.  500 bucks of my own money for lunch for a bunch of retards”.  “How much does 500 retard dollars buy?” the other guys says.  And they proceed to talk back and forth like this until I step out of the stall.

For the second encounter, I was at 60^th and Amsterdam, walking back to my apartment.  There was a couple slightly ahead of me.  A well dressed distinguished looking man in his 60’s, and a well dressed, slightly younger woman beside him.  He was on his cell phone and as I walked past them (I was walking faster), I heard him say “I’m standing beside a f*#king moron, and you know who that is, who has no clue where she is going.”  After he gets off the phone, he continued to verbally abuse her.  She said very softly “you need help” to which he replied “I need help?  I’m the most self-sufficient guy there is.  I don’t need help with anything.”

So how do you think I reacted?  And how would you react?  Honestly – what do you think you would do? 

Well, in the men’s room, as I went to the sink to wash my hands, I kinda pushed one of the guys out of the way.  He said “Hey! What are you doing?  I’m using the sink?”  Well, now that WE were engaged in a conversation, I let him know what I heard and what I thought.  Very expressively by the way (my first job out of university was in a factory, so I know how to cuss someone out rather forcefully).  They actually both apologized, and I stepped out of the men’s room leaving them there to wonder what the hell had happened, and feeling pretty good about myself.

And on the street?  Well, I did nothing.  That’s right.  Nothing.  And I still feel terribly about that.

You see, we can tell ourselves that some things are none of our business.  And to be sure, some things are.  But when people are being abused or denigrated, or otherwise harmed in some way, we should make it our business.  You can pick the arena: business, politics, religion, sports, entertainment, education, everywhere.  There are stark examples of bad things being done to people that no one confronts.  And whether it’s the “it’s none of my business excuse” or any other excuse, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR INACTION.  And I can tell you, what happened on 60^th street that day between Christmas and New Year’s will not happen to me again.  I will intervene every time from now on.

(see “A Million and One Ways to be One-in-a-Million”; Chapter 2 – The Gift,  Chapter 3 – Luke….Use the Force)

FOOL ME ONCE....

12/10/11

Have you been following the political banter lately?  You would swear the presidential election is only days away with the amount of campaign activity both within the Republican Party (for the nomination) and by the President himself.  There is a “real” unemployment rate of more than 16% in the United States, and the only thing these politicians are worried about is their own election campaigns.

The last Presidential election was the very first Presidential election wherein I was eligible to vote.  I was both very happy and very proud to do so.  This time: Not so much.  Why you ask?  Well, the short answer is, there is absolutely no one on either ticket that I want to cast my vote for.  But let me break it down for you:

To be sure, the Republican ticket is up for grabs.  But have you seen this cast of miscreants who are vying for the nomination?  Unless Jon Huntsman rises like a phoenix from the ashes, it will only be a question of which circus sideshow character gets the nod.  And to that point, the Republican Party as a whole has lost their way.   The party that once stood for less government structure and less involvement in citizens’ lives now believes in less government services and repealing the separation of church and state provision in the Constitution (ok – I exaggerate, but not very much).

Now to the Democratic ticket, which we know will be Barack Obama.  Hmmm.  Let’s think about this.  In 2008 he ran on a platform of “Change we can believe in” and “Yes we can”.  Well, NO YOU DIDN’T!  Let’s face it, the problems with Wall Street, the nation’s income disparity, and the unbalanced systemic practices that allow the rich to get richer while the middle gets poorer, all existed prior to him taking office.  But his promises led to an expectation that these things would change.  So what did he do?  He continued and in fact exacerbated the revolving door between Washington and Wall Street; he passed a slew of financial regulations that are nuisance over substance (By the way – the only way to fix Wall Street is to fix incentives up and down Wall Street.  You see, you actually do get what you pay for); there has not been one marquis Wall Street executive indicted let alone convicted (and by marquis I mean executives from Lehman, Citi, Goldman, etc.); there has been nothing done to reign in lobbyists or control so-called “campaign” contributions; and there is no sign that he has even tried to ameliorate any of these issues.  Now, it appears as though his 2012 campaign slogan is “Change is….” and he iterates all of what he perceives as his accomplishments.  Well Mr. President, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice… well, you’re not going to fool this voter twice.  I think an accurate 2012 campaign slogan would be “Change is…. NOT going to happen if you re-elect me”.

So, that’s why I’m really not looking forward to casting my vote next November.  There really isn’t anyone currently in the game who I believe is worthy of my vote.  It really is a sad and dire situation.  We, as a country, and indeed as a developed world, have some very big problems.  Yet, we are either unwilling or unable to deal with them.  We are sticking our collective heads in the sand.  It makes me wonder if a bunch of Romans were sitting around at the turn of the first millennium saying to each other “damn, things are going to hell in a hand basket…. I wonder what’s playing at the Colosseum tonight.”  Are we witnessing the end of an empire?  I sure hope not, because I do love this, my adopted, country.  But I don’t see the leader we need, on the landscape we have.

 (see “A Million and One Ways to be One-in-a-Million”; Chapter 2 – The Gift,  Chapter 3 – Luke….Use the Force)

BLOOMBERG AND HUNTSMAN CHANGE COURSE

11/19/11

So I’m having dinner at my local Italian restaurant last night and who do I see having dinner together a couple of tables over?  Yep, you guessed it:  Mike Bloomberg, Mayor of New York City; and Jon Huntsman, former Governor of Utah and Ambassador to China, and current candidate for the Republican presidential nomination.

They were engaged in rather animated conversation much of the evening and as they wrapped up, it was clear that one of them was running for something; and I don’t mean to catch a train out of Grand Central.  Huntsman took the opportunity to engage other patrons in some casual conversation and of course, the honorable mayor couldn’t resist doing the same (even though the only thing he was running for was his black suv waiting outside).

Anyhow, as they were glad-handing their way out of the establishment, they shook my hand, and I couldn’t resist giving each of them a piece of advice that I thought they both desperately needed:

Mike.  You’re really not looking so good handling these Occupy Wall Streeters.  You’re in “no man’s land”.  For those who think OWS is made up of a bunch of ne’er do well lazy bastards, well, you’re just plain not doing enough to get rid of them.  For those who support them or have some sympathy for them, you’re being way too heavy handed.  Pick a side my friend.  I, for one, don’t think this is going away anytime soon.  Mike.  I’m told you have some organizational skills and a reasonable intellect.  Help them.  Get them to establish some leadership structure; help them self-filter to eliminate the criminal element and those ne’er do wells that are present; help them refine their message; help them with targeting (Wall Street is just off the bulls-eye, but hint, it does start with a “W”).  You can do this.  You’ll be a hero.

Jon.  Admittedly I don’t know you as well as I know the honorable Mayor, but you seem like a smart person who has done a lot.  You’ve run a company, been a Governor, a diplomat, and a presidential staffer.  In the party’s current state, a successful nominee is almost unelectable.  The “far right, holy-er than thou, punish the poor and let me tell you how to live your life” party members are ensuring that any nominee acceptable to them (and therefore the successful nominee for the party overall), will not be acceptable to the American public at large.  And, all of the other normal and smart potential nominees have deduced that, and opted-out.  Chris Christie figured that out and evidence the fact that there are more mixed nuts on the GOP nominee slate than there are in a can of Planter’s.  So come on, you don't belong in that group, either run as an independent or start a new party.  But no matter what: dump the GOP.

Of course, they each thanked me for my advice, mumbled something about security, and moved along.  So here I sit, anxiously waiting to read their respective Monday morning press releases.  By the way Mike, Jon, no need for any public acknowledgement.

 (see “A Million and One Ways to be One-in-a-Million”; Chapter 2 – The Gift,  Chapter 3 – Luke….Use the Force)

JUSTIN BIEBER NEW REPUBLICAN FRONT-RUNNER

You’ve heard the saying before……A week is a lifetime in politics.  And this past week or two is testament to that.  Two “sex scandals” – Herman Cain and Justin Bieber. High placed Republicans are enamored with Bieber’s crisis management capabilities.  In the face of the “baby-daddy” scandal, Bieber says unequivocally that he doesn’t know the lady and will submit to a paternity test as soon as he is back in the country.  Full stop, end of story (and truly – end of story: have you heard any coverage of this lately). 

Cain, on the other hand, in the face of the latest claim of sexual harassment, says he has no recollection of ever meeting the lady, and has “never acted inappropriately with anyone”.  Really?  Never acted inappropriately.  No inappropriate comment, joke, or look.  Not once.  To anyone.  Really?  And oh yes – he’ll submit to a lie detector test, “if necessary”, maybe, sort of.

And let’s not forget – he says one of the sexual harassment claims was found to be baseless and an “agreement” was initiated as a “personnel matter”.  Newsflash Herm!  Sexual harassment is a “personnel matter”.

So let’s break this down.  Sexual harassment is an issue of many shades.  In its most minor form, it could be telling an off-color sexually oriented joke or making a flippant comment.  But – someone gets offended by the joke or comment and files a complaint.  Even if there was no intent to sexually harass, and as ‘innocent’ as that may sound, it is still sexual harassment.  In its most egregious form, it could involve physical aggression – but typically involves a “reward” vs. “punishment” (e.g. “I’ll give you a promotion if you have sex with me” or “If you don’t have sex with me I won’t give you a raise”).  And most times, the reward or punishment is only implied.  Now it is true that many cases of sexual harassment boil down to he said she said.  And in those cases a thorough investigation is still conducted and many things are considered – including previous patterns of behavior.

Considering the Cain facts as we know them – we have four “complaints” and one “anecdote”.  And although we don’t know who the complainants are – they are not anonymous.  They presumably filed their complaints to the appropriate company representative with their version of the harassing behavior.

In Cain’s defense – it is true that sometimes, figuring out what is right and what is wrong becomes an orphan to expedience.  It may be cost effective to make a “token” payoff (even if that “token” seems significant) and have the issue go away – versus the expense of litigation.  However, to say the pattern here is disturbing is an understatement equivalent to saying our economy is in a bit of a slow period.  Even more disturbingly, the anecdote (if the accuser is credible and if it can be reasonably thought to be true) represents the most egregious form of sexual harassment.  It is predatory harassment.

So, instead of Herman Cain going with the “it never happened, well something happened but it was baseless and personnel did it, but I don’t really remember just now but I might sometime so I’ll take a lie detector test someday maybe” defense – I think he should have taken to the Shaggy defense:  “It wasn’t me.”  At least then we’d have a catchy song running through our heads.

Getting back to Justin Bieber: the Republican Party does have a couple of issues with him as their nominee – He’s 16 (the President has to be at least 35) and he was born in Canada (not the 51^st State yet).  No worries, Senator Mitch McConnell, the Republican Minority Leader said “we’re not doing anything in Washington anyway, so we may as well amend the constitution to allow teenage popstars from Canada to become the leader of the free world.”

Justin Bieber for President!

 (see “A Million and One Ways to be One-in-a-Million”; Chapter 6 – Give My Regards to Broadway)

DEATH AT A FUNERAL

4/27/11

So I spent much of last weekend at a wake and funeral.  And as tough as they are, they represent a unique opportunity to reconnect with old acquaintances, engage in conversation without the incessant interruptions of the day (and by that I mean cell phones and blackberrys), meet new and great people who you unknowingly shared a connection with, and even to observe some things that may be profound and cause an epiphany.  I can tell you, I experienced all of these things through the course of these services, and I’d like to spend a moment telling you about something I observed that has had a profound affect on me.  In fact – so much so, that it has taken me a few days to reflect before writing about it. 

It was during one of the “gap” periods between the funeral home; church; cemetery that I walked near two young girls talking with each other.  I don’t know what they were discussing but the younger one (about 8 or 9) said to the older one (about 14 or 15): “This is America.  You don’t have to keep your promises”.  (Sound of brakes squealing; glass breaking; submarines diving)  What!!??  Well….having reflected upon it – and notwithstanding my initial reaction of “no, that’s not right and that can’t be” – it definitely falls into the category of “out of the mouths of babes”.  I think she nailed it. 

And it really goes beyond promises.  The extreme disregard for promises made is really a manifestation of a lack of integrity and a desire to say what is expedient in order to avoid conflict or disappointment.  Viewed this way – it actually makes broken “big” promises more understandable than broken “little” promises.  Let’s consider a big one - the promise of marriage.  In most cases, it is made with all the best will in the world.  And in most cases, the parties to that promise make herculean efforts to keep it.  Regrettably, and in many cases, over the course of time (a lot of time usually), the promise can’t withstand the realities, and changes, of life. 

Now let’s consider a little promise (and by the way – what may be “little” to the giver of the promise could be “big” to the receiver): will you fill in the blank? (come to my party; meet me for dinner; come visit me; help me move; the list goes on and on).  These are not lifelong promises – this is about keeping your word; this is about being reliable – and in a relatively short term context.  Now let’s admit it – you know people who make a promise like this knowing full well they won’t keep it.  Or at best, knowing full well that if the slightest hiccup or barrier comes along, they’ll just send their regrets.  Do you do that? Have you done that? 

I remember one of the first times I witnessed this disregard for a promise while working in Unilever.  I was in a business unit that was generally known to be up for sale.  We needed a talented financial executive, but given that there was much uncertainty because of the potential sale – the financial executive asked for and was given (verbally – and I was there) a promise of a job should the company be sold.  About 18 months later, when the deal was indeed done, the very senior leader in charge backpedalled and said: “We didn’t commit to give him the job.  We committed to him that he would be a candidate for the job”.  In the end, it all worked out – but I can tell you, that utter disregard for a promise made, at such a high level in the organization, contributed significantly to my decision to leave Unilever. 

And there is something else that needs to be said here.  I don’t think this is an American problem – I think it is a problem of modern society.  Gone are the days when your word was your bond and a handshake meant you could take it to the bank.  These are now the days of wordsmith-ing and spinning and double speak ambiguities (I think the most infamous being – “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”).  And you know what – I, for one, don’t like it.  I don’t like experiencing it, and I like it even less when I catch myself doing it (and over the past few days of reflection – I have found examples of that).  So – let’s get back to those days when a promise was a promise, when we did what we said we were going to do, and we were all more reliable.  And let’s be mindful of what we are teaching our children through our flagrant disregard for our own commitments. 

You know, I didn’t know Dorothy all that well.  I am very close with the people who were very close with her.  But I did know her well enough to know that she said what she meant, and she meant what she said.  I know that, no matter what, she was someone whom you could rely upon.  And so, for me, it was also the unfortunate death of a person who was part of a dying breed.

 (see “A Million and One Ways to be One-in-a-Million”; Chapter 2 – The Gift and Chapter 4 – The Art of Surprise)

THE DOORS

3/20/11

No matter your age, you know who they are.  Although they only created their unique brand of classic rock music from 1965 to 1973, they have sold over 90 million records worldwide and were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  But did you know how they chose their name.  Its genesis is a reference to a William Blake quotation: "When the doors of perception are cleansed, things will appear to man as they truly are...infinite."

But I digress.  This Minute isn’t about the rock band – it’s about the “doors” we all face in life.  You see, whether in matters of the heart; matters of vocation or career; or even matters of state; there exists a collection of doors in our life that are either opened or closed.  And occasionally, we come to a point where we need to make a decision to open one that is closed, or close one that is opened.  It appears that the United States of America is trying to close a door that it opened decades ago.  The prostitution of American principles of freedom and democracy to short term gains in developing regions of the world, caused us to open the door to supporting several tyrants and dictators.  Not a good door to open – and to be sure, a tough one to close.  And that really is the point here: when confronting the decision to open or close a door, be sure to give that decision the thoughtfulness that it deserves.  Be sure to understand the implications and to own the consequences.  Because often times, once you take a decision like that – you may not be able to change it easily.

I fear I have a specific example of that.  A friend of mine has been doing very well at work over the last few years.  Indeed, he seems to have somewhat of a champion in his boss.  Well, recently he was offered an opportunity that involved some risk and inconvenience on his part, but it was needed by the organization and by his boss.  For a host of reasons – he declined.  I may be wrong – but I hear the distinct sound of a big door slamming shut and a deadbolt sliding into place.  Now I’m not saying that door will never open again – but if it does, it will take time.  It will take quite some time.  And the thing is – I don’t believe he sees that.  He neither understands the implications nor owns the consequences.  He doesn't realize what he has lost.

Oh yes – one other piece of advice as it relates to doors.  Understand those doors that are moved based on your timing, and your timing only.  In the example above, my friend really couldn’t control timing – he had to make a choice.  But there are some doors that we can open or close at a timing of our choice.  In those cases – my advice is always “keep your options open.”  Since you may not get a “mulligan”, don’t make a decision to open or close a door until you absolutely must.

 (see “A Million and One Ways to be One-in-a-Million”; Chapter 5 – A Stitch in Time and Chapter 8 – You Always Have Choices)