Happy New Year! Don’t you find, sometimes, that holidays are a time for strange encounters? Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but most times eye-opening. I remember writing about one last year that embodied the holiday spirit (see “Lots of Heart” at www.be1inamillion.blogspot.com). This year, well, not so much. In fact, I had two somewhat similar experiences. Each experience was in the midst of the holiday season and each of them was disconcerting in and of itself. But it was my reaction to each that I want to talk to you about. So let me tell you about them:
For the first encounter, I was at Lavo, a Restaurant/Bar on 58th between Park and Madison, having holiday drinks with a friend of mine. I had to visit the men’s room and as I entered, two men preceded me. Now the men’s room was not large. Two “stand-up” stations and one “sit-down”. The guys who got there before me went to the stand up spots, which left me with the sit-down station (even though I only needed to stand-up). One guy says to the other guy; “I took my staff out to lunch today, and it cost me 500 bucks. 500 bucks of my own money for lunch for a bunch of retards”. “How much does 500 retard dollars buy?” the other guys says. And they proceed to talk back and forth like this until I step out of the stall.
For the second encounter, I was at 60th and Amsterdam, walking back to my apartment. There was a couple slightly ahead of me. A well dressed distinguished looking man in his 60’s, and a well dressed, slightly younger woman beside him. He was on his cell phone and as I walked past them (I was walking faster), I heard him say “I’m standing beside a f*#king moron, and you know who that is, who has no clue where she is going.” After he gets off the phone, he continued to verbally abuse her. She said very softly “you need help” to which he replied “I need help? I’m the most self-sufficient guy there is. I don’t need help with anything.”
So how do you think I reacted? And how would you react? Honestly – what do you think you would do?
Well, in the men’s room, as I went to the sink to wash my hands, I kinda pushed one of the guys out of the way. He said “Hey! What are you doing? I’m using the sink?” Well, now that WE were engaged in a conversation, I let him know what I heard and what I thought. Very expressively by the way (my first job out of university was in a factory, so I know how to cuss someone out rather forcefully). They actually both apologized, and I stepped out of the men’s room leaving them there to wonder what the hell had happened, and feeling pretty good about myself.
And on the street? Well, I did nothing. That’s right. Nothing. And I still feel terribly about that.
You see, we can tell ourselves that some things are none of our business. And to be sure, some things are. But when people are being abused or denigrated, or otherwise harmed in some way, we should make it our business. You can pick the arena: business, politics, religion, sports, entertainment, education, everywhere. There are stark examples of bad things being done to people that no one confronts. And whether it’s the “it’s none of my business excuse” or any other excuse, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR INACTION. And I can tell you, what happened on 60th street that day between Christmas and New Year’s will not happen to me again. I will intervene every time from now on.
(see “A Million and One Ways to be One-in-a-Million”; Chapter 2 – The Gift, Chapter 3 – Luke….Use the Force)
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